When Routine Bites Hard

Jail is no longer a deterrent..

Or that’s what they say. They say that prison these days is like a holiday camp. It’s like Butlins.

Butlins!

Fuck me. That’s the biggest deterrent I’ve ever heard of in my life! I’d much rather be fighting for my life (arse) every night like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption than getting glassed at a racist disco after seeing Joe Pasquale do stand-up in some coastal Butlins red-coat pee pee soaked heckhole.

I’m going on the straight and narrow.

Mind you I already am.

I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in pokey. My arse would be passed around prison like a bag of sweets.

Pick n Mix.

Worst Picture Ever…

The web is a mad place. Ain’t no denying. I’ve seen some mad shit over the length of my internet browsing career.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain…

Alright I’ve not seen that. Nothing as cosmically freaky. I’ve seen other things instead. Naughty things. Terrifying things. Things so striking that I’ve yet to shift them from the dark regions of my mind.

Near unspeakable imagery.

I watched a soldier have his head cut off with a knife in some strange snuff movie that was doing the rounds years ago. That wasn’t as jovial as you might imagine. It was actually a bit mean.

That made me feel really sick for ages. Not ‘blowing chunks’ sick. Just sick to the core. Rotten. Stained. Poisoned.

Yeah that wasn’t very nice.

The other image that is seared into my brain networks is essentially harmless. No-one dies. It’s consenting adults. It’s just people showing affection. No extreme surgery or extraordinary feats of human bodily abuse. On paper it doesn’t sound much.

However in reality it’s extraordinary.

It’s a little near the knuckle. Well, fuck it’s more than near the knuckle. It’s getting up past the wrist metaphorically speaking. Elbow-bound.

It pushes envelopes alright. It’s going to be too much for most of you to take. I don’t blame you. It still hangs about in the shadows of my brain day and night. Lurking. When I’m thinking of something pleasant like a friendly wasp or a funny tortoise, it shoulder barges that fucker out of the way and sits squarely in my minds eye. Agitating.

It’s a right proper bastard I’m telling you.

It used to be linked to a site called lemonparty.org. I’m guessing it still is, but I’m reluctant to go and check. I’ll leave that up to you.

Freewill.

If you do go and find this picture. This picture of some lovely grey haired old boys. You might want to take along a friend. You might fancy taking it on alone. Just remember, once you’ve looked, your life will never be the same again.

Honest.

Let me know how you get on.

All the georgey…